You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize