Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
