just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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