And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
