His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As shirtless as possible
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
