cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
