who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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