What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
