I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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