I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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