we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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