Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want to fling myself into the sun
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize