i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
