all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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