Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
