are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize