I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
