my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
