His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
