Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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