Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize