I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
