She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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