He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
