3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
