It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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