Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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