there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
