I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
