yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
