you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
