You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize