Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My bed smells like the plague
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