I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
