obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
