nut hugger
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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