I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
