I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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