please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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