Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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