there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The uberlube is also flammable
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
