I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
