Me too!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone came in the potted fern
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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