Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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