I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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