I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
