I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize