I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
