They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
