Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
