quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Houston, we have a blender
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize