dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
