You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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