now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize