did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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