Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize