i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
