No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
