i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So much rum. So many feels.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
