she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
