Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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