The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
