Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.

Fav 2 849 2016
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(775): View more from Nevada

Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship

Fav 19 4708 1264
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(520): View more from Arizona

2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

Fav 26 8582 1995
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(850): View more from Florida

my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.

Fav 14 8208 1826
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(704): View more from North Carolina

How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????

Fav 20 2683 1201
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(509): View more from Washington

You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

Fav 7 1501 1173
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.

Fav 12 1303 1048
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(801): View more from Utah

I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship

Fav 2 740 392
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare

Fav 0 57 6
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