So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
