i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
