for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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