My balls are so social today.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
