i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
