Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
