I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
