I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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