Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
