today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
