Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The air taste purple.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
