i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
