she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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