Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
