he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
