If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
