I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
