yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
