my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
