Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
