piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
