A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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