He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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