i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
