so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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