working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
