i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
