The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize