I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
