My pussy is not your playground.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
